Feels Like Falling (Dangerous Love Book 5) Read online

  Luke entered his home and threw his keys on the table next to the door. He glanced at his liquor cabinet on the way to the kitchen. It tempted him. To get lost for a while, to not see Peyton in his mind, to not relive the moment when he had stood there in that bar and told her that he was screwed up. He didn’t want to know what conclusions she had jumped to, where her mind had gone while he fisted his hair and paced the floor. There was no way for her to know that his heart had been racing the entire time. Or that the backs of his eyes had burned.

  You never cry…

  Luke dismissed that voice in his head, the one that came to him in his nightmares, and walked over to the fridge. He really didn’t want to soak his brain with the hard stuff tonight and wake up feeling like hell. But he did need something to take the edge off. He grabbed a Heineken and flopped on his couch. He kicked his shoes off and reached beneath the couch cushions for the remote control, though he really wasn’t in the mood to watch television. The sound of his phone buzzing in his pocket stopped the search and he withdrew his cell. As he read the incoming text message, he felt the gulp of beer he had just swallowed come back up and he coughed.

  After he cleared his throat and wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve, he reread Peyton’s text.

  Peyton: “Truth for a truth?”

  This game was dangerous. The last time they’d played, he had given her a glimpse of who he was. But she had also been forced to share a piece of herself. Luke was torn. He wanted to know her, her secrets. He wanted to know why he had broken his number one rule and kissed her on the lips and lost himself.

  That kiss. Not an hour had gone by that he didn’t think about how she tasted, how she’d gripped his belt and begged for more. He wanted that again.

  Luke: “You go first.”

  Peyton: “I don’t know why I’m texting you right now. That is my truth.”

  Luke stared at her words. How simple they were. How honest. They gave him the strength to respond.

  Luke: “I have panic attacks. It’s why I could recognize that Lainey was on the verge of one when you visited Lucrezia.”

  Would she think he was weak? Less of a man? He watched the swirling dots and held his breath.

  Peyton: “I fork over a ton of money to a therapist I see on a regular basis.”

  This game was different than the one they had played before, when they would ask questions and wait for a truthful response.

  Luke: “I’ve never followed a woman before you or given a woman a reason to fear me until tonight.”

  He needed her to know this. That he didn’t make a habit of stalking women. That he may be messed up, but he wasn’t a creeper.

  Peyton: “I’m not scared of you. That’s not how I felt tonight at the pub.”

  Did he really want to know what had gone through that head of hers when he had lost it in the coatroom? No, he had had enough.

  Luke: “I can’t do this anymore. Goodnight, Peyton.”

  A few seconds later, her goodnight came through. Luke tossed his phone on the cushion next to him and took a sip of his now piss-warm beer, all the while cursing himself for not being stronger.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Peyton

  “I can’t believe how much we accomplished today! I’m absolutely beat!” Lainey sat back in her chair and scanned the menu. She looked exhausted but completely content.

  “Well, it helps that my sister isn’t a bridezilla. You found the perfect dress, nailed down the invitations, and picked out your flowers in a matter of a few hours. That has to be a record.” Peyton sipped her water and smiled. “We’ll secure the cake on Thursday. I’ve made an appointment for a private cake tasting at Francesco’s.”

  “Is that one of the vendors Luke McGinnis recommended?” Lainey asked, her eyes still fixated on the menu.

  The sound of Luke’s name made Peyton wish that she was drinking something stronger than water. Like a shot. It had been two days since she had seen him at the pub, since they had played their Truth for a Truth Game. Two days since he had let her in a little only to turn around seconds later and told her he was done.

  “Yes. But I’ve heard of Francesco’s before. His cakes have been featured in a bunch of wedding magazines.”

  A waiter came by and took their order. They both chose chicken Caesar salads and spinach artichoke dip with pita wedges to split. At the last second, Peyton turned to Lainey and said, “Let’s split a bottle of wine. We deserve it.”

  Lainey’s eyes lit up. “You know what? Yes! We’ve earned it.” Lainey turned to the waiter. “What would you recommend?”

  The waiter smiled and offered up a few choices, all vintages from the Lucrezia Winery.

  Great.

  “What are you in the mood for, Peyton?”

  “The Chardonnay sounds nice.”

  Lainey smiled and placed her order. The waiter left and quickly returned with Luke’s finest. They were working on their second glass when Peyton decided it was time to drop the bomb on her sister. “Lainey, I have a shoot in Italy but I should be home within a few days. I know the wedding is coming up quick, and this is such shitty timing. The second I get back from Italy I’ll finalize all the details with Patrick McGinnis. Don’t worry.”

  Lainey reached over and covered Peyton’s hand with hers. “Hey, I got this. Walt and I…I think I can do this now,” Lainey said with confidence.

  Peyton looked at her sister and struggled to read her. “But I promised you that I would take care of things.”

  “I think it’s time for me to challenge myself, step out of my comfort zone a bit. What do you think?” Lainey was blushing, but her posture, the way she held her head high when she spoke, told Peyton that she was completely serious.

  “I think…I think that’s great. What’s…”

  “Changed?” Lainey offered.

  Peyton nodded.

  “Having you home, seeing all you’ve accomplished…what you’ve sacrificed for me all these years, I owe it to you and myself to take some risks.” Lainey took a hearty sip of her wine. “But if I fall or screw up somehow, I know that you’ll be there.”

  Peyton gulped back tears and smiled. “And so will Walt. He will never let you fall. The way he looks at you, well, it’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

  Lainey squeezed her hand. So many unspoken words passed between them in that moment. But she didn’t want to let their girls’ day out to turn melancholy. So Peyton raised her glass and said, “To the most handsome firefighter I know.”

  Lainey lifted her glass and giggled. “He is kind of hot, isn’t he?”

  “Honey, I can’t wait to take you lingerie shopping when I get back from Italy. Walt is going to be thanking his sister-in-law for many years to come. Just you wait.” Lainey’s face went up in flames, prompting Peyton to burst into a fit of laughter.

  A phone buzzed on the table and Peyton instinctively reached for it. “I think it’s mine,” Lainey said, beating Peyton to it. Lainey looked down at her cell and said, “I don’t recognize the number. I better answer it.”

  Peyton took a swig of her wine. She didn’t want to enjoy the smooth taste of Luke’s wine, but she had to admit that it was good.

  “Oh hi, Luke. No, it’s not a bad time.”

  Peyton hadn’t given Luke Lainey’s number. Which meant that he had spent the time finding Lainey’s digits. Which meant…he really didn’t want to talk to Peyton. He had told her the truth the other night. He was done.

  “Um…tomorrow night? I would love to see the Winter Room all decked out, but Walt and I are having dinner with his parents and grandparents. I don’t think I should cancel on them…especially since his grandparents are flying in from out of town.” The disappointment on Lainey’s face absolutely killed Peyton. Before Luke’s phone call, Lainey had been confident and willing to take on the world, but now she just looked torn.

  Okay. She could do this for her sister. She could be in Luke’s presence one last time and not fall apart at t
he seams.

  “I can go for you,” Peyton mouthed.

  Lainey beamed in response and said to Luke, “But my sister can make it. Would that be okay? She can take some pictures for me, show me how the room is decorated.” A few seconds of silence passed and then came a thumbs up from Lainey. Peyton forced a smile and then chugged the last of her wine.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Luke

  Asking Lainey to come see the Winter Room in all its glory, decorated for a wedding had been the right thing to do. His dad had offered couples the chance to view the venue when it was decorated to help them get ideas, like where to place flowers or how to arrange the guest tables to meet their specific needs. The last thing he expected was for Peyton to agree to come in Lainey’s place. But then again, could he really be that surprised? Luke had heard the disappointment in Lainey’s voice over the phone when she had told him that she had plans with her in-laws. Peyton most likely had volunteered to come to please her sister.

  Peyton was coming to see the Winter Room for her sister’s sake…not to see him.

  Luke looked down at his watch. She wasn’t late, but he was growing impatient anyway. He was struggling with the knowledge that he simultaneously wanted to see her and steer clear of her. Frustrated, he loosened his tie and removed his suit jacket. He was in the process of rolling up his sleeves when he heard a knock at the front door. Luke quickly finished the tedious task and went to the door. He took a deep breath, but it did nothing to calm his nerves. His hands were shaking as he turned the knob and revealed a very casually dressed Peyton. She was wearing jeans, boots, and the same fluffy white coat she had on the first night they had met. Her long, blonde hair flowed down her back, though she wore a pink and grey fitted knit hat. She could pull off sexy and cute without even trying.

  “Hello, Peyton.” He gestured for her to enter, but she just stood there in the doorway looking at him, her lips parted, her cheeks flushed. His palms itched to take her into his arms. He wanted to tell her to forget what he had said. That he wasn’t done. He wasn’t done trying to be normal. But he couldn’t. Because he wasn’t normal and though she had caught a glimpse of his erratic behavior in the coatroom, she really had no idea the darkness that lay just beneath the surface. “It’s starting to snow. Please come inside so you don’t freeze.”

  Her lips snapped shut and she blinked a few times before responding. “Thanks. It’s really coming down out here,” she said, stamping her boot-covered feet on the concrete steps before entering his foyer.

  As Luke shut the door behind her, he cursed himself for allowing her to drive in weather like this.

  “Normally, I would tell couples to take as much time as they needed, to snap as many pictures as they like, but you really shouldn’t stay long. The roads will become icy and…”

  “Don’t worry, I have no intention of lingering. I’ll snap a few photos for Lainey and get out,” she said, her tone even and sharp. But her eyes betrayed her. Though her words had come out clipped and with a definite edge, he saw the hurt in her eyes, the pain he most likely put there.

  He wanted to clarify why he wanted her to leave, that he was concerned about her driving in nasty weather, but he kept his mouth shut. Because what was the point?

  Luke matched her icy stare. “Then…I’ll leave you be. Feel free to let yourself out when you’re ready.” He turned and stormed out the front door.

  ***

  Peyton

  She had prepared herself for an awkward encounter. She had even practiced in the car on the drive over what to say.

  Keep your tone neutral. Betray nothing. Show nothing. Don’t let him know that he has and can still hurt you.

  That was the pep talk she had given herself. Those words of wisdom she hadn’t paid an ounce of attention to the second he had opened the front door. Standing in the doorway, looking relaxed with his tie loosened and his sleeves rolled up enough to expose his muscular forearms, she had forgotten everything she needed to do to protect herself.

  Fortunately, he allowed her, intentionally or not, to regroup when he told her that it wasn’t wise for her to stick around. Honestly, she couldn’t tell from his mannerisms or facial expressions if he was being sincere or if he was using the sudden snowfall as an excuse to get her ass out of his winery as quickly as possible. But it didn’t matter. She was going to do exactly what she had set out to do tonight and that was to take some pictures of the beautiful room, jot some notes into her note app about what she had seen, and leave.

  After twenty minutes, Peyton felt she had captured everything she needed and left through the same door Luke had slammed shut on his way out. Peyton was assaulted by a gust of wind and quarter-sized snowflakes the second she stepped outside. Squinting, she made a run for it and entered her car. She turned the ignition, ramped up the heat and switched on the windshield wipers to the highest setting.

  And suddenly everything hit her at once and she started to sob. Like not a trickle here and there, but an endless stream of tears flowed freely down her cheeks. Sitting in her car with only the sounds of the heat blasting and the wipers swishing back and forth, she had never felt more alone. She hated herself at that moment, for taking a risk, for allowing herself to dip her toes into that dangerous pool. She had left herself exposed and subject to a pain she never wanted to experience. Pissed, she put the car in drive, drove about twenty yards and then made a k-turn. As her car swung back around, she noticed a figure standing in the middle of the road directly in front of her. Peyton slammed on the brakes. Although he was only a few yards away, it was difficult to make out the person’s features due to the snow. She blinked her eyes and leaned forward to get a better look, but it didn’t help. She was just about to beep her horn to alert the person to get out of her path when the figure drew closer. The person came into view and she gasped.

  Why couldn’t he leave her alone? Why couldn’t he let her ugly cry in peace?

  Luke walked right up to her car, leaned over and pressed his palms on the hood. They locked eyes and her breath left her. His heated gaze, the way his lips parted as he stared at her through the windshield, made her core ache with need. She wanted to stop her body’s reaction, to quell the throbbing between her thighs that Luke could invoke with just a glance, but it was impossible. She even repeated the words he had said to her a few nights ago in her head.

  I’m fucked up.

  Well, that makes two of us.

  Peyton turned off the car and stepped out into the frigid air. He was on her and had her pressed up against her driver side door within seconds. His guttural groans, the way his hands fisted her hair as he smashed his lips into hers, gave her the courage to grip him by his shirt lapels and match his ferocious kiss. She didn’t hold back. She didn’t censor or try to stifle the whimpers that so easily flowed past her lips. She wanted him to hear her, to know what he did to her, that he consumed her.

  “Not here. I want you in my bed,” he said between breathless pants. He looked down at her and waited. For what?

  “I want you,” she said. She barely recognized her strained voice. She sounded desperate and needy, but that was what she had become whenever she was around him.

  His eyes blazed, and his breath hitched. Luke grabbed her hand and before she could process another thought or emotion, he led her down that gravel road and to his home. Once inside, they picked up from where they left off and were tearing off each other’s clothes. She was stripped of all her layers; coat, hat, sweater, jeans, boots and socks and left in just her bra and panties before they even made it to the bedroom. He toed off his shoes and her determined fingers did the rest, ridding him of his shirt, pants and socks.

  Standing in just his black boxer briefs, his hair mussed, his breathing labored like hers, he looked like he was set to pounce and claim her. Her nipples pierced her lacy bra and her pussy pulsed with anticipation. She needed relief. She needed his mouth back on her. She unclipped her bra and let it fall to the floor. His eyes darkened, and he licked
his lips as his gaze lowered to her taut peaks. “Peyton,” he said. His voice was gruff, almost pained as he grabbed her and lifted her up. Her legs swung around his waist and his hands cupped her ass as he walked her to his bedroom.

  A soft down comforter caressed her back as he laid her down. He stood at the foot of the bed and stared at her. His chest heaved as he silently devoured every inch of her. “Please,” she said, reaching out her hand.

  His fists balled at his sides and that wanton gaze of his morphed into one of frustration, which she couldn’t understand until he spoke. “I don’t have condoms here, Peyton.”

  Why hadn’t she thought about protection? Oh yeah…because she was so determined to have this man slide inside her, to fill her completely, that she hadn’t thought of that pesky little detail. She went to her knees and crawled over to him. His hands were no longer clenched but shaking as he peered down at her. The thought that he was barely hanging on, that he wanted her just as much as she craved him, sent her body reeling. Ravenous, she slipped her fingers beneath the waistband of his boxer briefs, but his trembling hands stopped her just as she was about to yank them down. “If I can’t have you, then you’ll need to leave them on.” His grip was firm, but gentle. “My control is dwindling quickly.”

  She loved that he was coming undone, that his desire for her was forcing him to break out of his comfort zone. But what she wasn’t in love with was the fact that she was most likely causing him physical pain. She had no intention of teasing him. And if he was honest with her, like she planned to be with him, then the ache that he was surely experiencing between his legs was about to be quelled. “I’m on the pill. And as long as you tell me that you’re…that…”